Ace of Spades
by Enji
Summary: G1. He's an enigma, a mystery that Tracks is determined to solve. Slash, Tracks/Smokescreen.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My computer is evil and broke down on me, so I had to take it to the repair shop. Thus I haven't been able to write anything on the fics I should be working on. I've managed to steal my mom's comp for short moments though, and comps down at the library, and decided to start up this thing that's been sitting in my head for a while. It won't become too long. Title stolen from the Motörhead song, btw, because I couldn't come up with anything. Go listen to it. It's great.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers.

* * *

_Tracks' POV_

Most people, I think, won't be able to pinpoint that exact moment when they realise someone's been watching them. It's usually something that grows on them, a gradual process and not something that happens from one day to another. You sort of realise after a while that someone's been watching you, bumping into you, striking up conversations with you, smiling at you, and that it's been going on for a while. And then you either disencourage them, or you smile back.

With me it's different. I could tell you what time of day it was when I noticed. Or rather... well, actually, it's a bit embarrassing to tell really, but I _didn't_ notice anything at all. I guess I simply didn't see the signs because I wasn't looking for them. I mean, after all, I know I'm not exactly the best-liked mech around. And when most people around barely can stand you (and to be honest, most of the time that feeling is reciprocated), you don't exactly go looking for signs that someone might actually be _interested_ in you. Which might be why I felt so totally shocked when Jazz sat down next to me in the mess one day and began to tell me off for not doing anything about Smokescreen's advances.

oOo

"_Mind if I sit down a moment?"_

_I jump somewhat, startled from my thoughts, looking up at Jazz who's standing next to my table, energon cube in hand. He cocks his head somewhat, waiting for an answer._

"_Uh, yeah, sure." I wave my hand vaguely, inviting him to take a seat. He pulls out a chair and sits down, sinking into the chair with a self-confident ease, sipping at his cube. For a minute or so neither of us says anything. I look at him, trying to figure out why he's chosen my table, but he's just sitting there like it would be the most normal thing in the world. I'm getting increasingly annoyed with the whole situation, I'm not a people's person and I like my privacy, and I'm not too fond of people invading it without good reason. It's unsettling. Jazz, however, doesn't seem to care one bit. Of course he'd be perfectly comfortable and feel just as home anywhere. Drop him down in a desert and he'd probably make friends with the camels there and melt in perfectly._

"_Did you want anything?" I say finally, getting fed up with him just sitting there, sipping his cube and humming occasionally. I sound rather impatient, but he seems not to notice. He simply puts his cube down and leans forward to look me in the optics._

"_Yeah, in fact, there was one thing I wanted to talk to you about." His voice is serious, which throws me for a moment. Jazz being this serious is not very common outside of work. And not there either, to be truthful. It's almost a bit scary._

"_Which is?" I'm probably not being very polite, but like I care. He's the one who came to me and disturbed me, I'm entitled to some impoliteness. _

"_Smokescreen."_

_I look at him, confused. That's not an answer I expected. What the pit is he talking about? Smokescreen?_

"_What about him?" I ask._

_Jazz leans back in his chair, looking at me with a sceptical look on his face._

"_Oh, I think you know what I'm talking about." _

_I open my mouth to protest angrily, but he cuts me off, talking in a no-nonsense voice that I've rarely heard from him. _

"_I want you to stop doing this to him, Tracks. Either tell him off or give him some attention, because stringing him on like this is just plain cruel."_

_Huh? What is he talking about? Stringin along? I don't understand. Some of that must have shown on my face, because he suddenly looks at me with a different expression, like he's surprised._

"_You really_ don't_ know what I'm talking about, do you?" he asks, sounding amazed. I shake my head, waiting for him to explain._

"_Wow," he says. "I knew you don't really pay attention to others, but man, you're really blind if you can't see what's right in front of you."_

"_I'm not really in the mood to be insulted, Jazz. Just tell me what you wanted to tell me, and leave me alone. Now, what about S?" I grumble the words, not really caring whether or not they sound friendly._

_He levels his gaze at me, looking at me in that way that is almost like he's trying to see through you, know what you're thinking and what you want. It's unsettling, and I have to force myself to keep his gaze and not look somewhere else._

"_Tracks," he finally says, "if only you made the effort to actually see, you might notice that he's been trying to get your attention for a very long time now."_

"_My attention?" I ask, truly bewildered. Why would he… oh. _Oh_. I connect those words to the ones Jazz said earlier, about stringing him along…and I don't know what to say. I just stare at Jazz, who slowly smiles at me, looking satisfied._

"_I see you finally got it." He leans forward, patting my arm softly. "Now, go and think about it, and then do something about it. I don't want to see him suffer this anymore."_

_I have no time to say anything more, because with that he pushes his chair back and gets up, walking away from me quickly and disappearing from the room._

oOo

After he left me there, surprised and kinda in a state of shock, I finally regained some control and got up, walking back to my quarters, which is where I am now, trying to think. Smokescreen, seeking my attention? Maybe even interested in me? I haven't noticed a thing, which makes me feel foolish and mad at the same time. Foolish, because I feel like I should have noticed. Mad, because someone else apparently noticed. All right, so at least it was Jazz who noticed, and it's well known that he knows pretty much everything that goes on aboard the Ark. Imagine the horror if it had been someone like Sunstreaker. Doesn't bear to think about.

So, what to do with this new knowledge? I'm not sure. I don't really _want_ to think about it. I know that most people see me as totally oblivious of the feelings of others, but that's not true. I do not wish to hurt anyone here, especially someone who actually might _like_ me. I do not want to tell him off, I do not want to hurt him that way. But the other option scares me like nothing else.

Smokescreen. What do I know about him? Not much, I'm afraid. He's the diversionary tactician of our team, which I admit I'm not sure of what it means. I've never really cared much about what the higher-ups do, they tell me to do stuff and I do, and that's the end of it. I've worked under him a few times, but not enough to really get a hang of what he does. He's also the designated psychologist here, which means that he know more about me than I know about him. Not that I've seen him much in that regard either. Every now and then we have scheduled sessions, apparently to make sure we're not cracking up and go crazy or anything. Most of us thinks it's just a waste of time. I don't think I've ever told him anything important during any of those sessions, not that I've ever taken them really seriously.  
For the first time I wonder if he knows that. Probably. It's not like I've hidden it well. I'm suddenly hit with the thought that if he knows, what must it be like to still do it? To still put down the work, only to have it pretty much ridiculed. Does he feel like he's failing? The thought makes me feel somewhat bad about myself. I've never ever given him a thought during those times, more concerned about getting away from there. How must that make him feel? Who will counsel the counsellor?

I try to think about something else, something that doesn't make me feel like a total jerk.

What else do I know about him? He's really good at card games. He likes to gamble, and I know he cheats, although he's good at it; most of the others don't notice. He's a bit of a loner sometimes, like me. He doesn't seem to have any really close friends here, even though he's pretty friendly with many.

Physically he's rather plain. Datsun altmode, rather unassuming colour scheme, not bad-looking but not eye-turning either. He… blends in well, I guess you could say. Same basic model as Prowl and Bluestreak, down to the chevron and door wings. All in all, he's nothing special. He can produce that weird magnetic smoke, which I guess can be useful in battle sometimes but otherwise lacks in finesse.

I realise that it seems a bit… cold, not to know more about him. After all, we're stuck on this planet together, we've been fighting in the same unit for a very long time, and this is all I know about him? His job designation, that he likes to gamble and that he looks rather plain? I try to think of anything else. What did he do before he joined the Autobots, for example? I have no idea. I know nothing about him except superficial things. I don't think anyone here really does. Does he have anyone to confide in? I don't know, but I do not think so. I try not to think of the fact that I don't really have anyone like that either. I've always told myself I don't need anyone. It's easier being alone; you don't have to worry about someone else. And if you keep things to yourself you don't risk someone suddenly babbling your secrets all over the place.

Maybe I've been wrong about that.

Maybe I should go talk to Smokescreen.

oOo

In the end, it takes me several days to pluck up the courage. I dither, and hesitate, tell myself it can wait a bit longer, that he's probably busy, that he doesn't have the time right now. Excuses. I'm drawn between running away whenever I see him, and staying, trying to figure him out. Now that it's been pointed out to me I notice his attention. It's not exactly obvious, and I wonder how Jazz could pick up on it. I find myself at a loss of what to do when he's near. Everything I say to him sounds phony and fake in my audios, and I can see the minute disappointment every time I pretend not to notice his advances. I find myself getting annoyed with him for not being clearer. Why can't he simply tell me if he's interested? Well, I know the answer to that all to well. I'm not exactly known for being overly friendly, and I guess he's afraid that I might laugh him off, saying something that a creature as plain as him would never have a chance with someone as beautiful as me.

What surprises me is that I realise that he would be wrong. I wouldn't laugh him off. In fact... the last few days have made me realise that I do not find him plain at all. It's not obvious at first, but when you look closer he's actually, well, almost pretty. He moves with a certain grace, and he seems almost uncanningly perceptive, always attentive. He's always on his guard, even when seemingly relaxing amongst friends, and I wonder against what. What did he do before he joined this outfit that taught him that? I wonder about a lot of things when it comes to him, and that scares me. I've never been interested in knowing anything about anyone before. But he intrigues me.

He's an enigma, a mystery, a riddle I want to solve.

I draw in air deeply, trying to relax my body, as I raise my hand to his door chime.


	2. Chapter 2

The shrill sound of the door chime echoes through me, making a much louder sound than I'd expected. It almost makes me lose my nerve, turn around and just walk away. I have to steel myself, telling myself that this isn't such a big deal. I'm just here to talk, nothing else. Talking isn't that difficult, is it? I try to tell myself that as I wait for the door to open.

Nothing happens, though. I raise my finger to the chime again, slightly annoyed. He can't be out, not when I finally decided to talk to him. How… rude.

"He's not there, you know."

Oh joy. I turn to see Sideswipe sauntering towards me, wide grin plastered on his face. A grinning Sideswipe is usually cause for worry, it means he's found something that amuses him. And things that amuse him are usually things that are no fun at all for someone else. I just hope his smile is because of some prank aimed at someone else, and not at me.  
I grunt something non-committingly and turn back to the door, hoping that he's wrong and it will open anyway. Of course, I'm not that lucky. The door stays shut, and it seems like he's right. Smokescreen doesn't seem to be in at the moment.

"He won't be there any more just because you stare at his door," Sideswipe says as he stops next to me. I'd hoped that he'd just kept on walking, leaving me alone, but no. "Why do you want to talk to him?"

"None of your business."

"Huh." He cocks his head to the side for a moment, looking almost pensive, grin disappearing from his face.

"You know," he says after a moment, "one would think it's because you've finally noticed he's sweet on you, and now you've decided to do something about it."

I can't help it. I turn towards him before I can stop myself, and glare at him, not sure what to say. He shouldn't know that… or has it been that obvious? Please tell me it hasn't.

"Aha!" he says, grinning again. "I knew it! So... what are you going to do?"

What I _want_ to do is wipe that stupid grin from his face, but starting a fight is never a good idea. It would be highly satisfying for a moment, but then there would be repercussions and I'm not in the mood of cleaning anything. It ruins my paint job. Of course, Prowl knows that and of course he always assigns me cleaning duty whenever he wants to punish me.

Instead I simply mutter "nothing", while turning away slightly, trying to get Sideswipe to understand that his company is not welcome. Not that it works.

"Nothing? You can't do nothing!" he says, grabbing my arm. I scowl darkly at him and he releases me, jerking his hand back like he understands that touching is a mistake. It doesn't throw him for long though.

"You have to do something," he continues as if nothing happened, "You were going to do something, weren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be standing here."

"Sideswipe, just leave me alone, will you?" I speak slowly, enunciating every word so he can't misunderstand.

"Oh right, so you can run off and pretend this didn't happen. Come on, you wanted to speak to Smokescreen, so go do that. I can help you find him if you want."

"No!"

Primus, I do _not_ want that red terror running around looking for him. He's not exactly what you would call subtle, and I have no doubt that if he's going searching all the Ark will know within seconds that I want to talk to Smokescreen. And with the gossipy nature of some here... well, it's not a scenario I favour. I don't like being the subject of their talk. I thoroughly believe my private life is no one's business but my own.

"No?" He actually has the nerve to look disappointed. Like he actually believed I was going to let him search. Hah, right. "But you must go look for him. You'll never get him if you don't go talk to him."

"Sideswipe, shut up."

"Oh come on Tracks, don't tell me you don't want to go talk to him? You came here, didn't you?"

"Shut up!" I can't believe his perseverance. He must know that his presence is unwanted, that I'd rather have him gone, so why does he insist on annoying me? What does he think he'll achieve by being so stubborn? That I'll suddenly profess my love for Smokescreen and tell him about it, so he can go spreading it all around the Ark? What a ludicrous idea.

"You wouldn't have come here unless you felt _something_, would you?"

That's it. "I do not know where you got that idea, Sideswipe," I tell him, my voice cold, "but I assure you, I am not interested in Smokescreen. Not now, not ever. And I think you should leave me alone now."

He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again, looking over my shoulder. Then he suddenly turns around and walks away, disappearing around a corner. For a second I wonder why he suddenly seemed to give up, and then I turn to leave to and I realise what it is.

Smokescreen.

He's standing absolutely still at the end of the corridor, clutching a datapad to his chest and just staring at me for a moment with a hurt expression, and I realise he must have heard my last words to Sideswipe.

Slag.

"Sm–" I start, but before I get any further he turns around, walking away from me with hurried but measured steps. "Smokescreen!" I call as I start to follow, not entirely sure why, but I don't want him to leave like this. He doesn't slow down or turn around. As I reach him I reach out to grab his arm and turn him around.

"Hey..." I say, suddenly unsure of what to say. He stares at me, expression unreadable as I flounder for words. "I–"

I what? My mind is absolutely blank. What should I say? That I didn't mean it? Would he really believe that? Do _I_ believe that? I don't know whether or not I'm interested in him or not, I haven't really had a chance to figure that out, and frag that annoying Sideswipe for putting me in this situation!

I realise I've been silent for a little too long. He shrugs his arm out of my grip, and turns away again, without a word.

I watch him go.

oOo

Why did I let him just walk away like that? Why did my CPU just freeze? I open the door to my quarters, walking inside and plunking down on the berth, trying to think. Just a few days ago my life was normal. Nothing special really to think about. I'd follow orders, do what I'm good at (shooting at 'Cons, that is) and spend most of my downtime on my own, polishing up on my appearance or driving around.

I like being alone. It means no meaningless conversations, no prying mechs trying to get to know stuff about my private life, no stupid fights because some just don't realise when to stop nagging me. It means that I don't have to deal with having to be social. I've been told by the officers that I should try more to get along with the others here, but it's not that easy. They don't understand when I want to be left alone, and I don't have anything in common with them. They think I just care about myself, that just because I don't socialise I don't care. Nothing could be more wrong, of course. I care about each and every mech here. Doesn't mean I have to _like_ them though. And well, since they don't like me, I guess we're even.

There are times, however, when I feel a bit left out. Sometimes I almost wish I was more social, that I could talk to others as easily as Jazz, who seems able to make friends with anyone. But I don't know how he does it; I don't know what to say. Just like earlier today, my mind simply freezes and I can't think of anything to say. How does Jazz do it? How does he manage to always find the right words? I have no idea. And now it's a bit late. Now I'm known as the narcissistic loner, it's not like I can change that. It's not like anyone would like to get to know me anyway.

Well, except, apparently, for Smokescreen. Or, rather, I guess he doesn't want to know me now, not after what I said. Way to go, Tracks, ruining that.

Why did I say those things to Sideswipe, why did I say that I'd never be interested in Smokescreen? What a stupid thing to say... but then, he was truly annoying. I wish he could learn to stay out of other people's business, then none of this would have happened! Then maybe I could have talked to Smokescreen later, and... and what? I try not to think of that. Now I can't talk to him. He's staying away from me. I know, because I tried to comm him a short while ago, to apologise, but he didn't answer. Pit, I can understand him, I wouldn't either if I was him. I can't imagine how it must have hurt him to hear me say that. Primus, I feel so stupid sometimes.

I get up from the berth, walking over to the mirror mounted on the opposite wall in my room. It's a magnificent mirror, larger than most people's, stretching over most of the wall. I know it might seem a bit, well, presumptuous, but I like to watch myself. I've always been good-looking, I can't really help that, and I like to take care of my body. I believe everyone has an obligation to look the best they can, and I try to live by that.

I study my face, searching for any little imperfection, but I can't find any. It's not bragging or anything, it's just the truth. I go over my whole body, studying the lines, the paint, the way the light bounces off the smooth metal. Perfect. Almost too perfect. Right now I almost wish for a smudge of dirt, or a small dent, anything that I could take care of that would take my mind off the events outside S's door a few hours ago. But no. There is nothing.

A shrill sound brings me back to the world around me, and it takes me a second to realise it's the door chime. Who wants to talk to me now? It's rather late; most mechs that don't have night duty will have retreated to their quarters by now. And for that matter, almost no one ever visits me in my quarters. I can't remember the last time I let someone else in here, so I approach the door rather warily. Maybe it's someone who wants to play a prank on me, maybe Sideswipe told Jazz about what I said and now they feel like they need to punish me in some way. My mind offers up countless scenarios.

I palm the door open, and almost have to take a step back. Smokescreen looks back at me, a nervous expression on his face.

"Tracks," he says, "could I talk to you for a moment?"


	3. Chapter 3

It takes me a moment to gather myself, not really prepared to see him standing there in my doorway. He wants to talk to me? Why?

"Uh, sure," I say and step aside to let him into my room. "Come on in."

His gaze flickers hastily around my room before settling on me once again.

"Thanks, but I shouldn't disturb." His face sets in what I recognise as a hardened mask. "I just came by to say that what... what you heard Sideswipe say... it's not true."

Huh? I guess I'm looking like a total fool, because I have no idea what he's talking about. What Sideswipe said... oh. Wait. Before I get the chance to interrupt him he hurries on, looking distinctly uncomfortable but determined not to let it show.

"I just wanted you to know that I am _not_ interested in you. Never have been. I–" He flounders for a second, having blurted out the words at a speed that would rival Blurr. I can't really believe what I'm hearing. He's _not_ interested? Then why the frag have people been telling me so? Why did he react the way he did in the hallway earlier? It doesn't match up. I try to wrap my mind around it and fail miserably.

My silence seems to make him more nervous, for he simply nods to himself. "Yeah, uh, that's all. See you." He turns to walk away, but this time I won't let him. I grab his arm, stopping him. I'm still slightly off-kilter from the mixed signals he's been giving, but this time I will not let him just walk away and leave me in confusion.

"Let go," he says, struggling in my grip.

"No. I want to talk to you. I want to understand what's going on here."

"There's nothing to understand!" he says, raising his voice. "Let me go!"

"Not until I've gotten the chance to talk to you." I try to keep my hold on his arm, but it's getting increasingly difficult as he's doing whatever he can to dislodge me. I don't want to hurt him in any way, but I will not let him leave either. However, he's not easy to hold, and I don't want to risk him start yelling or something. After all, we're out in the hall where anyone could see us, and if just one nosy little bugger on this ship gets wind of this we won't get any rest for a long time. Some mechs here like to gossip a little bit more than what is really healthy for them.  
Getting rather tired of the whole thing, and certainly not in the mood to make a scene in the hallway, I yank his arm suddenly, making him lose his balance. He staggers for a moment, and that is all I need to drag him inside my room and shut the door. As soon as the door slides shut I release him, watching him back off into the far side of the room, looking absolutely shocked and not a little angry.

"This... this is an assault on a superior officer!" he shouts, but I can't help seeing the uncertainty in his face. I don't know what to make of that, but I intend to get a few things straight before he leaves. The last few days have been confusing enough; I don't need any more in my life.

"Oh, shut it," I simply say. "Listen, I just want to know why you act like this. A few hours ago you seemed hurt like slag because I said I didn't fancy you, and now you try to tell me that you've never been interested? I'm sorry, but I don't believe you."

He stares at me for a moment, looking longingly at the door behind my back, the only way out of my room.

"What do you care?" he says bitterly. "You said it yourself, you don't care about me."

"Oh come on, I never said that." I look at him across the room, seeing him cross his arms and avert my gaze. "And what I did say... well... I just wanted to get rid of Sideswipe. I didn't mean it."

He looks up in surprise, the facade dropping from his face for a moment, only to quickly be replaced with suspicion.

"You didn't mean it," he deadpans, frowning at me. "Then what _did_ you mean?"

That throws me for a second. I find myself floundering for an answer, trying to explain... explain what? I'm not sure. What did I mean? That I _do_ care about him? Well, of course I do. I care about everyone here, damn fools they might be. But do I care more than that? It gives me a headache to think about.

"I– I don't know," I say. I can tell it does not impress him.

"You don't know?" He sounds incredulous.

"Listen, I just want to know what you're doing, because frankly, at the moment you're confusing the pit out of me!" I find I'm raising my voice a bit, and am a bit embarrassed as I realise it's because I don't know how to answer his question. Easier to try to get this back to be about him.

"I don't know what's so confusing about me telling you that I'm not interested." He looks away, face set.

I feel like screaming. Damn stubborn mech! I take a step towards him, which makes him try to back up more, but the wall is in the way. I see him jump minutely as his back presses up against the wall, door wings flared to the sides. He looks at me like some cornered animal as I take another step, invading his personal space.

"All I want to know," I say in a low voice as I place my hands against the wall, trapping him between my arms, "all I want to know is the truth. If you're _not _interested, then why have you been acting like it, obvious enough for others to notice?"

He says nothing, simply averts his gaze and pursing his lips, looking for all the world like a sulking child. Primus, I want to wipe that stupid frown of his face. It makes him look ridiculous; it has no place on his face. He'd look a lot better if he didn't make silly faces. In fact, if he could just take a bit better care of himself and smile a bit more, he'd look rather good...  
I shake my head, trying to remember what I'm doing. I move my left arm a little bit closer to his head, enough to make him acknowledge me again.

"Tell me", I say and he raises his head slowly, opening his mouth to speak but before he can say anything he shuts his mouth again and looks away once more. And I suddenly realise that he's afraid. The damn fool is afraid I will push him away, or laugh at him for being so bold to dare to be interested in me, or get angry with him. Suddenly his vehement denials make sense. And suddenly I know what to do.  
I heave a sigh and briefly shut my optics, and when I open them again I lean in close to him.

"Hey... Smokescreen, listen. It's okay to be afraid. But don't throw... this, away because of it. If you don't try, you'll never get what you want." He looks at me, surprised, so very close. If I just leaned in a little further we'd touch. But I don't. Not yet. I don't want to force him into anything. "Because..." I falter for a moment, almost surprising myself with my words, "because if this is what you want...maybe I can give it to you."

I can almost see his CPU working feverously, trying to process my words. I wait patiently for the coin to drop, for him to understand what I'm saying.

"You–" he starts, lifting a hand to my face, hesitating inches away, as if he's not sure he can touch.

"I won't promise you anything yet, but if you really _are_ interested in me, I'm, well, I'm willing to try." I cock my head slightly, giving him a small crooked smile. "I really hope you are, because otherwise I've probably made a damn fool of myself right now."

That makes him laugh out, a short carefree laugh that I am thrilled to hear. He smiles at me then, bringing his other hand up to trace the side of my face.

"No," he says softly, almost too low to hear. "No, you haven't."


End file.
